i love nazreen

Friday, October 09, 2009

Wearing the mask isnt a easy solution.

I was Facing the computer screen typing out this shit. Suddenly my dad called me. I had to wipe my tears before i turned around to face him.

I really feel deep shit inside.
Just trying to go and enjoy myself is the worst thing to do
because everywhere i go, anything i do reminds me of how my papa will take care of us.
hold us. sayang us. advise us. support us.
he was the PILLAR for my family
hows is my family gonna stand now?
Ya allah. i know everything happens for a reason.
but why adding salt to my aunts wound.

I remember
you oraginsed all our

end of year holiday trips
chalets & picnic during chinese new year.
BBQs.
Surprised Birthday Celebrations

family happiness all because of you papa.
But one thing i promise
to take care of thahir and mummy.
I will give them all i have. because you gave us much more then what we could return in this life time.

Abu papa, i still cant accept the fact that you are not here any more with us. I still think you will comeback. i still hope/wish that this is all a dream.

i cant concentrate on anything else for the past few days.
they said i am strong.
not at all papa, you are not here.
like i said i am wearing mask

Training is the only time i get occupied.
I am so happy to announce that i am improving but that is TRUCKLOADS more to improve. !

I really Thank the guys for organising the Pulau Ubin Cycling trip.
Itwas pure awesomeness and happening and happiness.
Guess i really did something damn stupid :(
for everybody to laugh at.
oh.
its happening all the time.
Sometimes i wish i wasnt the clown.
Sometimes it hurts. but i laugh along.
besides i tell myself. they dun mean it.hopefully.
I feel extremely happy with them because they never fail to make laugh.
Like how Blss badminton Guys did.

BTW. to whoever you are.
Stop talking to me about her
Do i look like i care. i dunt.
i barely know her and you tell me about her.
So what.
I got a life much more happening than hers.
:D.
I think she is plain Boring.
Modern Minah! LOLLLLL.

Training
Played alot of games.
because of IVP on Sunday.
All the best Everybody!! I will be screaming from inside and crying on the outside.At my cousins house.
but so am i gonna beg my dad to go while come back before prayers. see how man.

After training,
i remembered i reach my Chinese Garden at 8.55. i got myself BANANA milkshake and made my way to the park and sat down till 10. 40. till my mum called.
I listened to songs.
talked to wind.
stoned.

I just thought how i manage to get pass 18 years of mylife without a relationship.
and now
i am dying for companionship
It sucks.
This feeling
I just realise i just need someone to talk to.
Someone to laugh with me. talk to me. share with me.
Someone who really understands me.
Someone who accepts me for me.

I really wanna change for the better.
i wanna be more responsible for my own actions
and stop being clumbsy.
and
a clown

:) Love you all LONG DS!

Nazreen by @ at | 11:30 PM |

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